Inception

Do you remember the first time you watched Christopher Nolan’s Memento? How half the time you had no idea what was going on but you were absolutely enthralled nevertheless? How the concept of the movie was unlike anything you had encountered before? Well, Nolan is back with yet another outstanding film that is going to twist your mind into a pretzel and blow you away with its bizarre originality, awesome special effects and brilliant casting.

It’s hard to explain in anything short of an essay what the story is about. The only thing you really need to know is that it revolves around a guy named Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) who is able to infiltrate and create other people’s dreams. Why does he do this? Why else but to give his big corporate employers the upper hand in business. When he is approached to plant an idea instead of steal one, however, the game changes and he must gather a killer team to try pull off the most risky job he’s ever done. The result is the most memorable mind bender you’ll see for a while. Brilliant!

Rating: 5 outta 5.

Our Family Wedding

Take one young Mexican woman (Ugly Betty’s America Ferrera) and script her to fall in love with and get engaged to an African American guy. Throw in the respective politically incorrect families, as well as their cultural intolerances and clichés, and you have the makings of a very average and predictable comedy.

It seems the idea of two different cultures coming together in matrimony will eternally be fodder for funny films, which is really depressing news for a buff like myself. That said, I realise that millions will still flock to take it all in (again) and find satisfaction in the overused jokes and slapstick gags that go hand-in-hand with a mass-market movie like this one. Perhaps the only new prop is a traditional wedding goat that runs wild and gets stuck into a bottle of Viagra. Yeah, this is not the stuff that movie magic is made of.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

The White Ribbon

The most disturbing films are not those that unabashedly revel in explicit violence and horror; they are the ones where darkness and malevolence are implied and sensed. The White Ribbon, set in a rural German town pre-World War I, understands this implicitly.

A seemingly normal townspeople start experiencing strange events: a snare is set, a barn is burnt and a child is murdered. Suspicions reach fever pitch and they become paralysed by fear. Given the small-scale setting, the concept of fear and what it can elicit from humans is magnified, making this an exercise in psychology too. It’s sinister, disturbing beyond reason and will leave you feeling slightly on edge, which is exactly what I’m looking for in a creepy movie.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Once Upon a Time in Mumbaai

I know I’ve said it before, but it’s impossible to get any information about most Bollywood films before they are released, so I’m going to have to give you the press version because that’s all I’ve got!

Here goes: Seen through the eyes of a police officer, this film traces the changing face of the Mumbai underworld and how it all started.

 Set primarily in 1970s Mumbai, it follows the rise of Sultan and the conflict when his protégé, Shoaib, challenges his supremacy and usurps power to rule the murky underbelly of the city.

 The film is presented in a retro-chic style and is a glamorous and powerful return to a golden era.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Letters to God

As you might assume from the title, this is a film about a boy who starts writing letters to God when he falls ill with cancer. He writes about things like his mom’s happiness and how he wants to play soccer again when he is well. The postman who receives the letters is perplexed about what to do with the notes and in turn starts asking deep questions about his life, like, “Was I sent these letters for a reason?” You see where this is going, right?

Christian Hollywood is not everyone’s cup of tea, nor is it the popular choice, but considering some of the other abominable films on offer, a wholesome little story that delivers a positive message might be just what a lot of us need.

Antichrist

If you’re NOT a psychopath who enjoys sadomasochism, extreme violence and grotesque self-mutilation, do not see this movie. This is the stuff that night terrors are made of, and will leave any sane person permanently altered – in a bad way.

Basically it’s about a couple that move out into the forest in an attempt to process the death of their child, but it spirals into a sickly indulgent show of what I can only describe as misogyny. These types of film do nothing for our collective psyche and I would absolutely advise against watching it. You might never be the same again.

Knight and Day

Crazed, manic, relentless romantic action comedy are just a few of the adjectives I’m going to use to describe this oddball film.

From the opening credits, mayhem and ridiculousness ensue, thanks to a rogue CIA agent slash psycho played by none other than Tom Cruise. That Cruise’s deranged character, Roy Miller, is a parody of his perceived public persona is obvious and makes the role more amusing than it would be played by someone else. Along for the ride is the unwilling June Havens (Cameron Diaz), who Miller drugs and endangers constantly and still manages to woo.

Like I said, it’s one ridiculous stretch after another, but somehow works. The non-stop CGI and over-the-top stunts means that it’s more action than romantic comedy, but it’s still cutesy enough for the girls to enjoy. This is your best bet for the weekend.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Goal III

This is one for the footie fans only, and even they might be disappointed. It features B-grade actors and relies on glimpses of big stars like Ronaldo and Becks to give it credibility. Basically it’s about ordinary football players who are given the ultimate opportunity: to play in the World Cup. But don’t expect too much field action – for some reason the producers thought that focusing on the personal lives of the “players” would enhance the film. They were wrong. There’s not much more I can add but this: It’s absolute rubbish!

Rating: 1 outta 5.

Hello Goodbye

Gisele and Alain are having a mid-life crisis. They’ve neglected their Jewish faith and traditions and as a result their son is marrying a catholic girl. In an attempt to reconnect – in more ways than one – the couple decide to leave their life in Paris and move to Israel. Yup, not buy new cars or splash out on a holiday home – move to Israel.

As one would expect, life in the Holy Land is not so easy. For one, Alain, in his ripe old middle age is expected to get circumcised to show his commitment to the faith, and his wife starts getting worryingly close to a young rabbi. Of course the unusual and trying experiences are what they were unconsciously seeking and give them a certain amount of perspective on their lives. Consider this movie like driving a Toyota Corolla: It’s a safe bet but not going to blow your hair back.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Khatta Meetha

Road construction contractor Sachin Tichkule (Akshay Kumar) feels like he’s doomed to eternal failure. Because he doesn’t have any money to bribe the right people, he’s struggling to make ends meet. To make matters worse, the new municipal commissioner is his ex-girlfriend whose only mission is to make his life miserable.

Instead of giving up, though, Sachin comes up with some pretty ingenious ways to trick the system. His shenanigans are pretty funny, and the other characters that pop up throughout make the film even more colourful. Not the best Bollywood film ever made but entertaining nevertheless.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Shrek Forever After

Like most men past their prime, Shrek has reached a mid-life crisis. He’s not as scary as he used to be, and things have become too domestic for his liking. Frankly he feels less of an ogre than he used to be. So when a shrewd Rumpelstiltskin offers him the chance to return to his former life for just a day, Shrek jumps at the chance. Clearly he hadn’t read enough fairytales otherwise he would have known that an offer like that is too good to be true.

In his new mid-life crisis reality, his love Princess Fiona doesn’t know who he is and really doesn’t find him that attractive, along with his best mate Donkey, who finds the presence of an ogre rather frightening. Add to this an overweight Puss in Boots and Shrek’s universe is completely disturbed, and he must do anything and everything to get it all back to normal. Hmm, methinks many women will relate to that storyline. As always, Shrek is not only for the kids but good fun for the grown ones too. Plus, this one is also available in 3D, making it a memorable conclusion to the franchise.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

It might not surprise you to hear that seven sequels to the original 1984 Nightmare on Elm Street have been created. Sadly this is no testament to the brilliance of Freddy Krueger and his dangerously long talons. Instead it shows that no matter how bad the script is, slasher movies sell. And here we go again.

For the ninth time, Freaky Freddy is in the house. He looks the same, sounds the same and still hasn’t managed to cut those nails. He’s still infiltrating teenagers’ dreams and killing them off like they were flies. All in all, nothing much has changed, which leads me to this conclusion: Why watch the latest version when you can still hire the original and enjoy the historical birth of arguably one of the most successful fright characters of all time? Then again, I’m a horror-movie purist.

Rating: 1 outta 5.

Themba

Themba is a young boy who dreams of playing soccer for Bafana Bafana, but his chances of success are slim. He is from the rural Eastern Cape, suffers abuse and has no one to parent him. He has his own personal Kilimanjaro to climb.

It’s the story of so many of our people but not necessarily one we want to face willingly or watch a movie about, which is why I’m not sure this film will be overly successful. If however you give it a chance and can endure some seriously heartbreaking scenes, you might just find yourself feeling uplifted. The film is well made and stars some of the freshest SA talent around. The incredibly talented songstress Simphiwe Dana makes a surprising debut, and her young co-star seems set to conquer the big screen in the future. I’m always for supporting local stories if simply to remind us that success can emerge from the most unexpected places.

Rating: 3.5 outta 5.

The Losers

Five CIA toughies are flown off to Bolivia to capture a drug lord, but when they get there discover that they have been set up to be murdered. After they conveniently escape death they set out to find the culprit – clearly an insider within the CIA. On the way, luck finds them – in the form of Aisha (Zoe Saldana), who knows exactly where the bad egg resides and will lead the guys straight to him. Seems pretty easy except that Max, the bad guy, is a psychopath with no intention of letting his plans go awry.

Based on yet another comic book series, this flick is part action part comedy, which is always way more appealing than those that take themselves too seriously. It’s not one you’re going to remember two weeks down the line but it will entertain you for a couple hours.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Udaan

It’s been impossible to find any information on this film but I am intrigued nevertheless simply from watching the trailer. Don’t be tricked into thinking this is another Bollywood film. Instead this falls more into the arthouse category, which is surprising for an Indian film. Again the intrigue.

What I know about the storyline is limited to this: A young man returns to his small town after living a pretty happy and liberal existence at boarding school for eight years. His father promptly forces him to start work at a steel factory, which is pretty much the last thing Rohan wants to do since all he is interested in is words and becoming a writer. Can he somehow create the life he dreams of and find creative freedom despite his circumstances? I’m going to go out on a limb and say this one is worth a go if only to satisfy the curiosity.

Rating: 3.5 outta 5.

I Love You Phillip Morris

After coming out of the closet and finding a lover in Miami, Steven Russell (Jim Carrey) decides to become a conman. After all, “Being gay is really expensive”. Steven inevitably gets caught and is sent to prison, where he meets the love of his life, Phillip Morris (Ewan McGregor). Desperate to get the two of them out of chookie, Steven concocts a plan so outrageous that it actually works, and the con cycle starts all over again.

What is mind blowing about this film is that it’s all true. Google Steven Russell and you’ll find that he escaped from prison more than once, adopted more than 14 aliases, faked his own death and managed to con a large American company into hiring him as their CFO! Not only is the story incredible, but Jim Carrey is hilarious in the starring role. It’s been a while since I found his screwy humour so appealing and am glad to say he is well and truly back on form.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

The Runaways

In 1975 a guy called Michael Shannon had a vision to create the female version of the Beatles. First in the recruitment line were 15-year-olds Joan Jett and Cherie Currie, who became the most famous members of The Runaways. Their sexually charged performances and hard rock tunes made them an overnight success, but at such a young age, the kudos came with a price. Currie, played by Dakota Fanning in the film, crashed and burnt out with the help of too many drugs, while Jett, played by fellow Twilight star Kristen Stewart, went on to have a rocking solo career.

The script is based on Cherie Currie’s memoirs, so is inevitably biased towards her in terms of screen time. However, Jett’s overwhelming influence on her life (which includes a very tame lesbian kiss between the two) is also portrayed. While it’s interesting to see both Fanning and Stewart in more raw roles, the film doesn’t quite master the pure rock chaos that The Runaways left in their wake. Still, it’s an entertaining night out.

Rating: 3.5 outta 5.

The Boys Are Back

After leaving his first wife and moving to Australia to get remarried, Joe’s second wife dies and he’s left with a 6-year-old son to rear. Not only that, he wants to make up for being an absent father to his first son and so drags him over from England to live with him. Talk about biting off more than you can chew.

Predictably, Joe (Clive Owen) doesn’t handle so well… His older son starts to look more like the dad, while Joe leaves the laundry to pile up right along with the dishes and a semblance of a life. And then he has an epiphany: Just Say Yes. Frighteningly this becomes his motto for parenthood, and the kids are allowed to do pretty much anything they want. In the process the trio start to merge into a somewhat haphazard family and heal old wounds in the process.

While this may be the cue for tears, you’ll be less inclined to driz thanks to Clive Owen’s more rugged and unsentimental performance. It is his genuine and rather manly approach to his character that will endear you to this movie. Don’t worry, guys, this is less soppy and more enjoyable than you think.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

World's Greatest Dad

On the surface this looks like one of those innocuous parent-child comedies that is more awkward than it is funny, and indeed this is how the film starts out. Lance (Robin Williams) is the unfortunate parent to the World’s Most Annoying Son, aka Kyle. He’s icy, crude and wholly antisocial and, to make matters worse, Lance is a teacher at Kyle’s school.

However, when tragedy forces its way into Lance’s life, the film metamorphoses into a black satire that turns both Kyle and Lance into unwitting heroes. While Williams brings a modicum of his usual manic humour to the party, he shines in this more dramatic and fractured role, making him the undoubted star of the movie. A very real yet darkly humourous take on the strained relationship between problem kids and their parents.

Rating: 3.5 outta 5.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Evolved from a cartoon, Diary of a Wimpy Kid is a witty, offbeat look at tweenhood and middle school (Grades 6 – 8). It’s that age where the girls are taller than the boys and where some testosterone-filled 13 year olds grow moustaches while others remain unwillingly hairless. In short it’s awkward, especially if you’re a boy in the latter category - like Greg, the narrator and self-proclaimed wimpy kid.

As you can imagine, the film is filled with pre-pubescent shenanigans, squealing girls, fellow wimpy kids and a slice of moldy cheese. While this may sound like a winning movie for your kids, cousins or nephews of the same age, it might not be every self-respecting adult’s cup of tea. That said, however, it’s not unwatchable. In fact it falls into the top range of painless family comedies, so do your good deed for the week and take the kids in your life to see it.

Rating: 3 outta 5.