The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Here’s another movie that has not lived up to its hype. Yes, it contains some pretty cool special effects, but at the end of the day its just another over-edited blockbuster that will entertain more kids than it does adults.

A powerful sorcerer (Nicolas Cage) has been seeking a special trainee to help him conquer his enemy. When he eventually finds him, he’s ready for some serious training. But Dave is just an ordinary guy and struggles to get to grips with his power. This means plenty of “Shoo, wow, cool” comments. Annoying. The results are predictable: He makes tons of mistakes and eventually gets the hang of this sorcery thing. He’s a winner. The movie also leaves a wide, gaping hole for a sequel to fill, so try get used to the idea of a Sorcerer saga.

I’m not saying you won’t enjoy it, I’m just saying curb your enthusiasm. Despite what it looks like, this is not an epic trailblazer.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Just Wright

This is love story. It’s highly unlikely, far too complicated and should never have featured a lesbian woman as the protagonist. Despite all this, though, I found myself enjoying it.

Okay, maybe I was in an sentimental mood, but we all need a little love fantasy every now and then to lift the spirits, right? On top of this, the film stars the very easy-on-the-eyes rapper-turned-actor Common, as well as the always endearing Queen Latifah. This alone counts for a lot in my book, even if we do have to suspend belief to buy Queen’s “straight” love interest.

Common plays a pro-basketballer who gets injured and hires Queen’s character, a physiotherapist, to whip him back into shape. He’s about to get married to Queen’s money-grabbing BFF, but she walks out on him when his moneymaker stops shakin’. Which leaves the playing field wide open… We all know the formula, and this one follows it to the T, making it a classic, feel-good romcom.

Rating: 3.5 outta 5.

Chloe

A wife (Julianne Moore) who suspects her husband of cheating on her hires an escort to try prove it. Enter the gorgeous Amanda Seyfried, who uses her skills to seduce said husband, played by Liam Neeson.

You’ll agree this is a dangerous game to start playing, and it gets even trickier when the two women strike up some sort of intimacy too. This is a sexy thriller that’s not quite believable but one that will keep you interested nevertheless.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Avatar

Yes, the movie of the century is back with an extra 8 minutes of footage. Okay, so that’s not going to change the story very much but it does give you an excuse to go see this groundbreaking film again.

Also, if you missed it in 3D the first time round, don’t be caught short again. Book now and let yourself be transported to a new world where blue people reign. I can’t wait to see this again!

Rating: 5 outta 5.

Agora

This historical drama follows the fascinating story of Hypatia, a female scientist, mathematician, philosopher, astronomer and teacher, who practised in Egypt in the 4th century. As you can imagine, this was highly unlikely for a woman, yet Hypatia was well respected nevertheless.

The story examines the tensions between religion and science as well as sexuality during the time, mainly through a relationship that Hypatia struck up with one of her young students. This is not everyone’s cup of tea, but a brilliant piece of drama if you’re interested. Plus, Hypatia is played by the lovely Rachel Weisz, who instantly makes the film well worth watching. Put aside your scepticism and give this one a try – you might just be surprised.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

The A-Team

The ironic thing about this remake is that those of us who actually remember the TV series are no longer the target market. And for those younger moviegoers who are, will they care enough about BA Baracus, Hannibal, Face and Murdoch to even go see the film?

Anyways… For those who still hold fond memories of the series, and for those who will be making new friends with the A-Team, don’t expect to be blown away. It’s silliness from start to finish. The story, the stunts and the shenanigans are just as ridiculous as they ever were, but in the 80s we didn’t know any better.

The guys are on a mission to find the people responsible for framing them, and get into all sorts of unlikely and far-fetched situations. What’s cool, and what will make the film worth watching, is the inclusion of SA’s Sharlto Copley (Wickus from District 9). Although his American accent sucks, I’m proud to see his mug on a big Hollywood blockbuster. If you’re up for a frivolous evening, this will suit.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

London River

It’s 2005 and extremists have just detonated bombs in the underground and on a bus in London. Remember that? Seems like forever ago, right? Well, this movie relives the event through the eyes of two parents: one a rural, English widower and the other a tall, French-speaking black Algerian, both of whom are looking for their kids who have disappeared in the wake.



What transpires is a massive shock to the mother: her daughter has converted to Islam, and she has been spending time with the Algerian man’s son. She fears the worst and takes out her racism and prejudices on the steely man, who turns out to be just as concerned and more similar to her than she could ever have imagined. As one would predict, tragedy brings the strangers to a common ground of understanding.



While the film is engaging enough, it feels contrived and comes across as lacking sincerity, which is a pity given the acting talents of the two leads. Wait for the DVD release of this one.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

The Unforgiving

I’m all for South Africa developing a thriving film industry, and I guess this must include the horror genre. My problem is prefacing this gruesome slasher film with a trailer that reads “There are 25000 murders in South Africa each year”. Great. Thanks for the reminder.

The movie then goes on to show how four regular South Africans are tormented and maimed beyond recognition just off one of our national highways. It’s intense, bloody and absolutely horrifying, which is pretty much average for the genre. Somehow, though, the fact that there are Saffas on the screen and not a bunch of arrogant American college kids, coupled with the fact that the film is actually shot in SA makes me more than a little uncomfortable. Blurring the line between horror and reality is not as cool when it’s in your back yard. Watch at your own peril and don’t blame me when you can’t get to sleep.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Furry Vengeance

Brendan Fraser strikes again! How many low-rate films can one guy make in a career? I’m guessing this is around number 67. Am I being too harsh? Perhaps. This is a kiddie movie after all, and one that follows in Dr Dolittle’s footsteps, complete with cute talking animals.

This time the forest creatures are rising up against humanity to save the trees. Those damn developers are spending millions to tear down the fauna and build a mall, which will pretty much eliminate the various families of skunks, squirrels and the like. In protest they target Fraser’s character and get up to all sorts of nasty tricks, but does it mean he’ll save the day? Oooh, better send the kids to the film to find out so that you can concentrate on much more important issues, like which non-animated film to watch while they’re out.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Please Give

Writer Nicole Holofcener is a keen observer of people, which makes her a pretty great moviemaker. If her last film, Friends With Money, appealed to your senses, this funny little gem will too.

It centres around Kate, played by the brilliant Catherine Keener, who is a pretty innocent New Yorker with guilt about her above-average income and below-average community involvement. So she refuses to buy her teenager daughter designer jeans but hands out $20 bills to homeless people constantly.

She’s also got a killer instinct, though, which lends itself to her job. She’s an antiques dealer, so preys on the children of the recently deceased in order to get the good furniture she sells. And she and her hubby are desperate to buy the apartment from the bitter old lady next door. The only thing that stands in their way are the two granddaughters. Game on. This is quirky comedy at its best. Not for general consumption but absolutely sublime.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Shirley Adams

Yes, this is a devastating story set on the Cape flats and involving violence, but before you put your blinkers back on, let me say this: it’s much more than a socio-political statement. What this film is about is a mother’s enduring love and unwavering dedication to her son in the face of adverse poverty and pain.

Superbly portrayed by veteran South African actress Denise Newman, Shirley Adams’ world is shattered when her son is permanently disabled by a bullet to the spine. In an attempt to keep him alive, she uses what little she has and is forced to make ends meet by whatever means she can. It is purely her altered relationship with her son that keeps her alive. This is a stunning piece of drama that will make you want to weep, but its power will also inspire you.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Peepli Live

We know that as a species we’re obsessed with watching disasters unfold even if they are more than we can stomach. In recent years, the media has fed this obsession, printing unthinkable photographs and horror stories of shocking events. But would we tune into the telly to watch a man commit suicide? This low-budget Bollywood film begs exactly this question.

Natha, a poor farmer from Peepli village in the heart of rural India is about to lose his plot of land due to an unpaid government loan. Ironically there is compensation for families of indebted farmers who have committed suicide, so Natha could free his family through death. When his dilemma hits the media they descend, cameras poised to see if he’ll go through with it. Based on a true story, this offering that will make you think… and giggle.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Step Up 3

I have previously confessed that I am a dance-movie junkie. I don’t go to meetings but I do enjoy my guilty pleasure in the comfort of my sole company.

Why watch them you ask? Well, it certainly is not for the quality acting and gripping script. Nor is it for the predictable love story and clichéd characters. No, dance movies are about the dancing. Full stop. They’re about the Harlem shaking, pop-locking, gliding and crimping that makes you want to jump up and get your running man on. You either love them or you don’t.

For the other self-confessed fans and wannabes, Step Up 3 is going to rock your world thanks to its new 3D format, so get your legwarmers on and head down to your nearest 3D cinema. You know you wanna.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

The King of Fighters

I have tried – several times – to understand or even care what this movie is about. I have failed. I’m finding it hard enough just to write something about it that doesn’t involve the wonderfully descriptive word “sucks”.

Here are the basics: 1. The film is based on a series of video games of the same name launched in the 80s (hands up who cares), 2. It stars absolutely no-one – well, in Hollywood terms, and 3. It involves people being transported to another dimension/universe and fighting the good fight. Again, anyone out there who cares? Anyone? Bueller? For the three of you who think it sounds cool, enjoy the empty cinema.

Rating: 0 outta 5.

Grown Ups

Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, Kevin James and David Spade all in one movie? You know things are going to get out of hand. And they do. The five guys are old friends from Middle School, who reunite at a lake house many years later as “grown-ups”.

Complete with kids and odd wives, the guys reminisce about days gone by and share the details of their “normal” adult lives. They do ridiculous things and embarrass themselves frequently, all the while trying really hard to be extra funny. I will not deny that there are some really funny scenes, and you will snort out loud. On the flip side, the comedy is not so funny that you’ll want to own it forever on Blue Ray. It’s entertaining, not hysterical. It’s a watchable flick, not a classic. The sheer number of comic heavyweights in the film will no doubt attract millions of moviegoers, but I predict many will feel slightly disappointed at the mediocre result.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Cats and Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore

A rogue kitty agent is on the loose and planning to take down the entire cat and dog universe (cue evil laugh). In a twist of fate, dogs and cats must now work together to take down Kitty Galore to save their furs.

You might have guessed that this is one for the kids, and I’m sure they’ll love you for taking them to see it. My advice would be to take a book and one of those clip-on reading lamps to amuse yourself with during the show.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Mao's Last Dancer

At the age of 11, Li Cunxin was forcibly removed from his rural home and forced into Chairman Mao’s ballet school in Beijing. Okay, so for most men that’s a nightmare too horrific to entertain, but it actually benefitted Li and set in motion events that would change his entire life.

As a result he ended up going to the Houston Ballet School in the US as part of an exchange programme and once there discovered that there is more to life than communism. Like beautiful blonde women and money, for one. So when the time comes for him to return to China, Li’s not so keen and tries everything to stay in the Land of the Free. He’s denied, and so starts another battle. The film beautifully portrays the difficult true story without the usual sappy pitfalls. Not for men who can’t imagine doing pliés however.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Predators

Here again I am amazed by yet another movie concept that has been dredged up from the last century. Arnold Shwarzenegger’s Predator was released in 1987, and Alien Vs Predator in 1993. Back then we were just beginning to be barraged with alien and/or zombie movies, so these films were pretty relevant and fresh. Yet here we are in 2010 faced with the same concept and essentially the same movie!

This time the predators are a mix between a rhino, tiger, lion and prehistoric dinosaur. Or is that warthog, tiger, panther and elephant? They’re funny looking things which seem strong enough to take out a concrete high rise, so the fact that mere mortals – even if they are extreme killers – are sent to conquer the beasts is confusing. What I’ve learnt is that movies like this don’t have to make sense; they just need to showcase a bit of jungle hide and seek and a good few knife fights. If that’s what you’re after, bingo.

Rating: 2 outta 5.