Tron: Legacy

Disney has been hyping this movie for months, clearly anticipating a massive return on investment. The sequel (28 years later) to the obscure movie Tron, it revolves around a strange game that sucks you into another reality where super fx and other blockbuster trimmings abound. For all the hype it’s all pretty average, if you ask me. But perhaps you shouldn’t: I’m not exactly your typical gamer and generally hate movies based on any kind of games (yes, even Twister). I have no doubt, however, that many of you will enjoy the weird universe Disney has created, and for the rest of you there’s always the awesome Daft Punk soundtrack that accompanies the story.

Rating: 3/5

The Town

It’s been a while since a gritty crime thriller lived up to its hype, but this one ain’t half bad. A group of career criminals (Doug, James, Albert and Desmond) take a bank manager, Claire, hostage during a heist and eventually release her unharmed. In a twist, Doug ends up falling for Claire and must juggle his feelings for her while dealing with an FBI agent who’s hot on his trail. It makes for an entertaining and gripping watch, well worth the movie ticket price. 

Rating: 4 out of 5

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

In his latest movie, Woody Allen uses the occult and the city of London as the invisible force that binds a foray of characters together. They are mostly a miserable bunch of family members and acquaintances leading miserable lives and only manage to make each other more depressed.

Helena and Alfie divorce each other in their golden years. Their daughter, Sally, is in a dead-end marriage to Roy, who pines for their exotic neighbour, while Sally has an eye for her new boss Greg. So what do they have in common, besides their loathing for each other? Just a fortune-teller, whose predictions seem to be strangely spot-on even though she’s obviously fake. Their lives don’t seem to get any happier throughout the movie, so it will only make you feel blessed to have the problems that you do. For that reason alone, it gets the rating below.

Rating: 2 out of 5

Little Fockers

By now you know exactly what you’re getting yourself in for when visiting with the Fockers. Totally inappropriate and offensive jokes, toilet humour and a dash of physical comedy all pop into mind… Which is why this franchise has done so well. Is this one pushing the Focker family past its sell-by date? Perhaps, but you won’t be able to resist a few good laughs along the way. And isn’t that what the holidays are all about: being amused while you sit back with a few snacks?

Rating: 3/5

Eternity

Vampire meets cherrie; smaaks cherrie stukkend. Oh yes, ladies and gents, we finally have our very own Twilight saga…

If I hadn’t been so morbidly curious about the movie, I might have skipped this one. It does star Christina Storm, after all. Set in inner city Johannesburg, where delectable and dangerous creatures of the night roam, Billy, a sensitive young vampire, meets Jenny in a club. Sparks fly and they fall in love. Enter Billy’s ex-flame (Storm), who attempts to stop their budding romance. Oh, did I mention the potential war lurking between the vampire clan leaders? Yes, there are a bunch of modern vampires who want to be able to roam about during the day, and they’re battling the traditionalists who want things to remain as is. The jury is still out on whether the film is an epic success or failure, but big ups to guys for having the fangs to bring the genre home!



Rating: 3 outta 5.

Due Date

Hands up who’s feeling super-energised and keen for a serious movie at this time of year. Uh-huh. Okay, so maybe I laughed more at this movie than I should have because I’m overtired and burnt out, but that’s exactly what I needed to kick-start the holiday.

From Todd Phillips, who brought us The Hangover, comes this holiday comedy that might not go down as a classic but will definitely have you snorting uncontrollably at certain points. As a reminder, Phillips has thrown in the heavily bearded Zack Galifianakis, who brings with him that same ridiculous Hangover humour, as well as the irresistible Robert Downey Jr. The two pair up for a roadtrip of errors when RDJ mistakenly gets placed on the “no fly” list as he’s rushing off to be with his wife, who’s giving birth. As you can guess, it’s mayhem from start to finish. Definitely my movie of the holiday.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Megamind

With a voice cast that boasts Will Ferrell, Brad Pitt, Tina Fey and Jonah Hill, this animated offering ain’t half bad, which I’m sure is good news for all those moms and pops who have to sit through more than a few kiddies’ movies this festive season. In fact, the grown-ups might well enjoy this megalomaniacal story more than the kids.

Ferrell’s villain character kills off his nemesis and creates a new one (Hill), who then decides he wants to take over the universe – obviously – forcing the villain to become the good guy. With well-formed characters and some wicked humour, this is one flick you won’t mind watching more than once.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Paranormal Activity 2

If you like being scared out of your movie seat – so much so that you catapult popcorn into the hair of the person three rows in front of you - you would have gone to see the first Paranormal Activity last year. Filmed in the same style as Blair Witch – with a hand-held camera – and having no real storyline to boast of, the film still delivered what it promised: a big scare.

This one is no different except our two lone characters have moved into another house and have four extra people to talk to. After an apparent robbery they install security cameras around the house and, well, you know the rest. Strange things appear on the video, and even freakier things happen after dark. Like the last film, this one will make you giggle nervously as you wait for the groot skrik, and trust me there are more than a few. If you love the adrenalin rush of a good fright, book now!

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Stoute Boudjies

What’s this Afrikaans fliek about? Well, that’s simple: sex, drugs and a lot of ridiculous shenanigans that you’ll laugh at in spite of yourself. The story revolves around varsity student Hardus, who is desperate to lose his virginity. Lucky for Hardus he meets a gorgeous blonde who offers her, er, services. But that’s just one thread of this loosely woven story...

There’s also the drug deal that Hardus and his mate Vaatjie get thrown into, and the boat they get thrown off of – naked. Yup, this is pretty much the Afrikaans version of every teen movie that’s ever been made and, like a good majority of those movies, it’s pretty darn funny.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest

Although this Swedish trilogy has been released almost back to back, it has still felt like years between the films, simply because I’ve been so engrossed in the story of Lisbeth and Mikael and their mission to uncover the truth behind several dodgy murders.

The films, like the books, are so jam-packed with intricate details that it would take me days to explain the plot, so let me rather say this: pay attention and enjoy the rollercoaster ride that these brilliantly made movies provide.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Lucy, Edmund, Eustace and Prince Caspian head out to sea to find the end of the world in this third instalment of the famous literary series. As usual there are a host of talking animals, most notably Reepicheep the mouse, as well as other fantastical creatures like dragons, merpeople and dwarves.

If you’ve watched the films preceding this one you’ll know that the world of Narnia is like no other, and the same goes for the special effects and script, which is probably why the series has garnered so many fans. This is a reverie worth getting lost in, at least for a couple hours.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Spud

Whether you’ve read the adventures of little Spud as he enters boarding school or not, you will enjoy the film for various reasons.

One: John Van De Ruit’s incredibly entertaining stories naturally lend themselves to screen conversion; they go together like pap and vleis. Two: Spud is a South African story and now a South African film, shot right in our own back yard. This means that it stars some fabulous young, home-grown talent, which is always exciting to see. Three: John Cleese brings the colourful character of The Guv to life with such aplomb that you’ll think he was born just to play this role. I can’t wait for the second one! Go see it.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

The American

This well-crafted film verges on being more art cinema than mainstream, so if you were hoping for a charming George Clooney standard you’ll need to adjust your expectations. That said, the film is also slow, deliberate and pedantic in its detail, and one that must be watched carefully so as not to miss the subtleties.

George is an assassin sent on a final job to Italy. We soon realise there are many people who want him dead, as well as people around him who can’t be trusted. Then there’s a woman… This intricate thriller is not for everyone simply because of its pace, so if you’re tired or not in the mood to concentrate you probably won’t appreciate it.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Scott Pilgrim Vs The World

There are a couple things you should know about this movie before you decide whether to watch it. For a start it is based on a series of graphic novels aimed at teens and young adults, so fans of the literature will have a big advantage in knowing what the heck is going on.

You should also be aware that the story is all a figment of the protagonist’s imagination. So the perfect love of Scott’s life, Ramona, is actually all in his head, as are her 7 Evil Exes who Scott must defeat in order to take Ramona as his girlfriend.

The movie is highly stylised, with words like “Kapow” appearing alongside karate kicks, and characters that are really just parodies put there to make it seem like you’re caught inside an old-school video arcade game – all of which is pretty cool if that’s your thing.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Faster

Pity this movie doesn’t go “Faster” than others of 95 minutes. It’s almost two hours of your life you’ll never get back.

Yes, I’m biased against movies that “star” Dwayne Johnson, but that’s only because he’s always in such awful ones. Predictably, this one is no different. Maybe it’s because the script is so unoriginal: Dwayne is out to take revenge on a bunch of baddies who killed his brother in a heist gone wrong, or maybe it’s because all the actors are just so stereotyped and uninspired. Yawn.

If rehashed vigilante violence is not your idea of fun, avoid at all costs.

Rating: 1 outta 5.