Thor

Marvel comics’ strong man has finally been brought to life in the form of chiselled Aussie Chris Hemsworth, who has been banished to earth to live with humans. Here he meets two cute scientists (Natalie Portman and Kat Dennings) and must find a way to prove his worth to his father (Anthony Hopkins) in order to get his powerful hammer of thunder back.

This is definitely one of the better comic-to-film recreations I’ve seen lately, thanks to a quirky script, great effects and a storyline that keeps the pace going. You know you’re going to go see it, so I won’t waste any more time on waffle.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Get Low

Perhaps you’ve thought about your funeral, perhaps not. If you’re a popular, well-loved do-gooder perhaps you’d be just a little curious to hear all the wonderful things people would say about you when you’re dead. But if you’re anything like Felix Bush, you’d expect no one to pitch or, if they did, to say only nasty things.

Robert Duvall plays Bush, a sour, old hermit who shoots at anyone who steps a toe on his property. The townsfolk don’t have many nice things to say about him, so when Bush decides to throw his own living funeral and invite everyone to attend, it causes quite a stir. Bill Murray plays the money-hungry funeral director who’s more than happy to assist with the plans, and he’s simply brilliant. With two all-star male leads, you can’t go wrong with this film.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Visa/ Vie

There’s a lot of conversation happening around this locally made film, which, in itself, is a great thing for SA art. What folks can’t quite seem to decide is whether the content – similar, indeed, to the film Green Card – is worth making a film about.

Here’s the story: a French woman wants to stay in Cape Town and decides to audition for a South African husband so that she can acquire permanent residence. It’s cute, quirky and more along the indie film vibe. Cool. But in true South African fashion, we’re over-critical of ourselves, and the art we produce, hence all the debate. I say pay the price of the movie ticket, support the local industry and then decide for yourself. Sure you might think it’s weak, but how does that differ from any other Hollywood film you may gladly lap up?

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Arthur

There’s a reason why Russell Brand is typecast as the lovable drunk and/or druggie rockstar in films. For one, he used to be the druggie/ drunk who misbehaved and ended up in rehab. But I’ve also realised that people love seeing him in this role, and all his consequent movies seem to do well because of this fact, so why would he stop?

While most people reading this won’t remember the original version of this film, starring Dudley Moore (Google him, kids), this remains a remake, and a really poor one at that. Russell plays a spoilt brat with too much money and a butler/ babysitter to look after him. But when he refuses to marry the girl his mom and dad want him to, he’s cut off and must fend for himself.

Okay, so it’s not as bad as it is frivolous, silly and ridiculous, which, come to think of it, makes it a typical Russell Brand flick.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

From Prada to Nada

The title is pretty self explanatory, isn’t it? Two Latin hotties are left cashless after their daddy dies and must slum it in East LA with their Mexican family. In the process they get in touch with what’s really important, like family, true love and a sense of culture. Did anyone else just throw up a bit in their mouth? Strictly for teenage girls.

Rating: 1 outta 5.

Sucker Punch

This film starts with so much promise. Beautiful, eerie images fill the screen as our main character, Baby Doll, is forcibly placed in a mental institution where she is to undergo a lobotomy. That alone sounds intriguing, right? Well, that’s just the beginning of an extremely intricate and sadly overcomplicated plot that straddles three different fantasy worlds that Baby Doll creates.

Like a video game, Baby Doll and her other sexy friends use swords, kung-fu kicks and sucker punches to fight enemies and magical gather objects that will free them from their prisons… Confused yet? While the styling and effects in this film are often brilliant, the story is overly complex and goes nowhere, and you’re left feeling slightly cheated. It doesn’t mean, however, that your eyes won’t enjoy the visual fest.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Country Strong

The only reason you’d watch this movie about a female country star fighting for a second chance in the limelight is out of curiosity. If you have any interest in Gwyneth Paltrow you’re going to be interested to hear her 1)Speak in a Southern accent and 2)Sing her own country songs in the film. However, once you’ve satisfied the curiosity and commented on Gwyneth’s pleasant voice, you’ll be bored stiff by the horrible script and shallow characters that literally seem to have been plucked from another planet.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Mars Needs Moms

Moms are pretty much superhuman, so it’s not surprising that martians would want to kidnap a few to raise their own alien babies on another planet. When young Milo’s mom becomes one of the chosen few, he joins forces with spaceman Gribble to rescue her. The moral of the story? Appreciate your moms, kids – you never know when they could just disappear. Awww.

This is a simply a chance for parents to bond with their spawn over the Easter weekend. It’s not going to blow your hair back, but it will entertain the whole fam for a few hours.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Superhelde

After spending hours of their youth at the local comic book store, fanatics Albert and Peet are devastated to hear that the owner is being forced to close down. In an attempt to make a stand, the two guys, along with a couple of friends, become virtual superheroes to try save the day.

I’m going to place this local production in the same box as Leon Schuster’s comedies: they’re not for everyone (and certainly not for me), but they’ll make a fair fortune entertaining the masses with average jokes and a weak storyline.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Limitless

I love it when filmmakers come up with a cool concept. Like this movie where struggling writer Eddie (Bradley Cooper) comes into contact with a drug that enables his brain to access 100% of its power. Imagine!

As he soon discovers, the possibilities are endless. Within no time he’s trading stock on Wall Street, driving the car of his dreams and being called a genius. The good times don’t last, however, and Eddie is pulled into a shady drug-dealing underworld where people are turning up dead all around him. Oh, and to make things worse, he discovers that the wonder drug ends up killing you. It won’t win any Oscars but it sure is a good night out.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Water for Elephants

Part love story, part adventure, this film revolves around veterinary student Jacob (Robert Pattinson) who joins the circus to assist with the animals.

Set in the midst of the depression, the film gives a wonderful feel of the time, as well as all the behind-the-scenes dramas that take place. Of course Jacob falls in love with the gorgeous but married Marlena (Reese Witherspoon), which causes a bit of a stir around camp.

The star of the show, however, has to be Rose the elephant and the special bond she shares with Jacob. A thoroughly enjoyable way to pass an afternoon.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

The Roommate

Even if you never saw the original and very scary 1992 movie Single White Female, you’ve probably seen a movie just like it.

Here’s how the story goes: two girls share a residence (in this case a dorm room at college) and become BFFs. After a series of scenes of the friends frolicking, one of the girls goes psycho and starts becoming jealous of anyone who comes near her BFF, so much so that she ends up killing people. Wow. How unexpected. Do yourself a favour and rent the 1992 flick – it’s way more satisfying than this lame remake.

Rating: 1 outta 5.

Tomorrow, When the War Began

Some Aussie youngsters come back from a hiking trip to find that their city and country are under attack and war has broken out. Hmm. What’s one to do? Why, save the world, of course. You can tell this is based on a fictional novel, and I’m going to predict that only bored teens with nothing better to do will end up enjoying this.

Rating: 1 outta 5.

The Sanctuary

You can tell it’s a quiet time in the movie industry when we start getting English-subtitled Thai movies that are nearly two years old. I have no idea why anyone would want to sit through a sub-titled action film, let alone one that involves the recovery of Thailand’s national antiques. Yes, antiques that were stolen by thugs and have been buried for years.

Perhaps insomniacs should try this as a remedy for their sleepless condition.

Rating: 1 outta 5.

Somewhere

Because I’m the movie editor I’m allowed to highlight the more offbeat films every now and then. And while that may sound like a justification, it’s not; this movie deserves the praise I’m about to give it. My reason for the preface is to point out that not everyone will “get” it. This film is simply an observation of a man who’s come to a standstill while the world spins around him.

For actor Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff), fame, sex, drugs and money have lost all meaning. The only real thing that’s left is his 10-year-old daughter Cleo (Elle Fanning), who comes to live with him at his hotel of choice. While you might think you can fill in the blanks, don’t expect a happy ending. Directed by Sophia Coppola of Lost in Translation fame, the story is a brilliantly detailed slice of life that is a mixed bag of painful emotions.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

The Eagle

A paragraph is too short to explain the intricate details of this epic battle film. Think ancient Rome, a missing legion of soldiers, native warriors, sword fights and bloodshed. Think Braveheart meets Gladiator. You get the picture, right?

Pretty boy Channing Tatum plays the young man intent on avenging his father’s death, and an all grown-up Jamie Bell is his slave who, we soon discover, is linked to the killing of various soldiers. Created without the crutch of fancy effects and 3D, the cinematography is a real treat: moody, evocative and raw. This is one the guys will love.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Unknown

Perhaps the gorgeous blonde taxi driver (Diane Kruger) is the first indication that all reality needs to be suspended in order to enjoy this thriller. And that’s just the beginning.

Liam Neeson plays Dr Harris, who’s in Berlin for a conference with his wife. When his taxi flies off a bridge and he awakes from a four-day coma, however, he’s no longer Dr Harris, and his wife no longer recognises him. Of course this is all a part of a bigger plot, which Neeson races to uncover.

Like I said, in order to enjoy the ride you’re going to have to let go of all those questions running through your head asking, “How the hell…?”

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Rio

At the end of the day does it really matter what we think of yet another animated movie? Let’s not forget that they’re essentially created for the enjoyment of kids, so whether it’s witty or satirical enough for the grown-ups is really beside the point.

While many reviewers are calling Rio average and reliant on silly one-liners, I say it’s another fabulously frivolous fantasy to let your kids get lost in. Let’s stop over-analysing the cartoons, shall we?

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Barney's Version

Who was Barney? He was a balding, loud-mouthed, chain-smoking, functional alcoholic who married three women in his lifetime. Barney Panofsky is also a character from a novel, now made into a film. Brought to life by the flamboyant Paul Giamatti, Rosamund Pike and Dustin Hoffman, this is one of those stories that is made memorable by sheer acting brilliance. Sure, it’s odd, but it’s a fun odd.

Rating: 3 outta 5.