The Smurfs

I’m guessing that most parents who are going to take their kids to see The Smurfs will have been fans of the TV series. Personally I have memories of many afternoons whiled away with the adventures of Papa Smurf, Smurfette, evil Gargamel and his cat Azrael, to name a few.

The old animation has undergone a 21st Century transformation; the blue creatures are slick and shiny and come with celeb voices, like Smurfette who’s voiced by Katy Perry. And, best of all, Gargamel is played by a sparsely toothed Hank Azaria, making him and his nastiness larger than life. I have to admit I was sceptical of the remake but I think they’ve done a pretty good job in making the forest creatures attractive to a new generation. Spread the Smurf love.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

The Change Up

This is from the same guys who wrote The Hangover, so you know it’s going to deliver a fair amount of laughs. I tell you this first because the actual storyline is a bit worn: a sleep-deprived married man somehow switches lives with his womanising best friend. Yeah, not so original.

The guys in question, however, are Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds, which changes everything. These two turn a pretty average storyline and so-so script into something worth watching. Playing someone else well ain’t easy, but they do it brilliantly and in spite of some of their less-funny gags (projectile baby poo included). Worth your weekend Ronds.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Inside Out

Warning: This movie features WWE “Superstar” Triple H, and for most discerning moviegoers this translates to a big red flag.

The story goes something like this: Triple H is released from prison after 13 years for some kind of gangster stuff and finds himself back at square one when his dodgy “family” expect him to hop right back into business with them. Sorry, did someone say, “minutes of your life wasted?” I had nodded off…

Rating: 1 outta 5.

Abduction

Two words, ladies: Taylor Lautner. Yup, the most famous werewolf in the world hangs up his fur and tail to play the lead role in this semi-decent action movie about a teen’s search for his identity.

When Nathan discovers that he is not who he thinks he is, and that secret government agents are after his beef (hey, it’s a change from the screaming tweens), he goes on the run with girlfriend in tow. There’s high-speed chases, jumping out of moving cars and, of course, a bit of time dedicated to Taylor’s abs. Sounds like a good balance: there’s something for the guys and the girls.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

The First Grader

This is one of those movies where you start crying just from seeing the trailer. While touching, it’s not sappy, however. In fact it’s poignantly sad in some parts.

This is the true story of an 84-year old ex-freedom fighter in Kenya, who, after hearing that education is open to all citizens, decides to go to school. Of course an octogenarian amongst first graders is rather odd for some people, so Charles must battle prejudice in order to fulfil his dream of being able to read. This is simply a wonderful representation of a man who refused to fail, and his determination will bring you tears. Take the tissues!

Rating: 4 outta 5.

One Day

While the overriding theme of this film is love, it is less about romance and more about two friends navigating their way through life.

We meet Emma (Anne Hathaway) and Dexter (Jim Sturgess) on their final day of college, and we see them again every year on the same day. We see them grow, along with fashion and technology, and meander as they search for meaning and question their obvious love for each other, all the while living very separate lives.

What’s refreshing about the film is its avoidance of the usual cheesy clichés of other love stories. It’s fresher and wittier than your average and for that deserves a thumbs-up.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

The Art of Getting By

A kind-of love story between two privileged-but-different New York white kids, this feels way too pseudo-emo and up it’s own you-know-what to really enjoy. The two kids in question – Freddie Highmore and Emma Watson – have zero chemistry and display none of the inevitable behaviour of other normal adolescents, which I suppose is the point. The problem is it’s just unrealistic. It reminds me of an exercise we used to do at drama school: when you don’t “buy” a peer’s performance you have to scream out, “I don’t believe you!” Well, here you go: “I don’t believe you”!

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Beneath the Blue

Beneath the Blue could be a metaphor for below par or scraping the bottom of the barrel, which is pretty much how I would describe it. Combine a pretty blonde dolphin enthusiast with a government agent whose mission is to capture one of the aforementioned dolphins, and what do you get? A love story that turns into a battle of good versus bad. What? Bad, bad, bad moviemakers. No gold star.

Rating 1 outta 5.

Friends With Benefits

So hotties Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake decide to start shagging in a non-committal kinda way… You know, simply to satisfy the physical urges they’re struggling to repress. They even start mocking those silly romcoms where the “friends with benefits” end up falling in love. And then they fall in love. Ho hum. How ironic.

While the casting directors got the heat close to sizzling by placing JT and Mila together, the writers didn’t do as well. The script starts out funny without being cutesy but soon falls into all the same traps as its romcom predecessors, which is a bummer. This is a sexy movie though, and one that is perfect for a date night.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Columbiana

I’m so bored of movies that are shamelessly rehashed every couple of years. Here’s yet another one about a woman who witnesses her parents’ death when she’s a kid and grows up to be an assassin intent on seeking revenge. Come on! I guess this is one for those action junkies who like a woman (this time it’s the svelte Zoe Saldana) with a gun thrown in for extra entertainment value. Never gets old, does it, guys?

Rating 2 outta 5.

Spy Kids: All the Time in the World

All you need to know is this: Here’s a movie you can send your kids to watch while you catch up on your much-needed tan/pedicure/rugby watching. Awesomeness.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Final Destination 5

Just in case you haven’t grown tired of seeing B-grade teen actors trying to dodge their fateful deaths, we have the fifth instalment of Final Destination, which means it’s not that final, is it? For lack of any choice whatsoever I have been forced to highlight this ridiculous film and can only say that it is quite hilarious watching those darn kids get into the most bizarre life-threatening situations. I guess I should’ve expected this; after all, when it’s the fifth in a series of films about ways to die, you’ve got to be pulling out the more silly suggestions. If you have absolutely nothing else to watch, see this for a laugh.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Wasted on the Young

I can’t say I’ve previewed this Aussie film, but from what I’ve read, it’s an excellent portrayal of teen issues from bullying to classism, drinking, drugs and more. It also highlights how the balance of power can be turned around with the help of a computer and some clever film work, which is what one kid uses to start harassing the students who’ve been bullying him. It’s dark and quite disturbing, but looks like it’s worth a try.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Bad Teacher

I’m not going to say this is the funniest movie I’ve ever seen, but it did make me giggle, which is exactly what I needed.

Cameron Diaz is the self-involved teacher whose aim in life is to find her next rich husband. She couldn’t care less about her students and believes that films are the new books when it comes to educating. So when a nerdy but rich substitute teacher (Justin Timberlake) comes to the school, she’s keen to reel him in. The only problem is that she reckons her boobs are too small, so needs to raise some cash for an augmentation. And so the shenanigans begin.

This is a frivolous, silly movie but definitely worth watching if you’re in a frivolous and silly mood.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

How to Steal 2 Million

Starring some of the best South African actors – John Kani, Terry Pheto, Rapulana Seiphemo – and produced by Mfundi Vundla, we’ve got a pretty good feeling that this locally made crime drama will be a winner at the box office. It’s jam-packed full of sexy characters, dangerous liaisons and awesome action – all necessary elements in an underworld caper. In celebration of heritage month, keep it local and go see it!

Rating: 3 outta 5.

The Chameleon

The true story behind this film is quite interesting: A boy who’s been missing for 13 years shows up in Europe and claims to have been abused and prostituted. His American family is notified and they are soon reunited. However something is not quite right with the young man, and the FBI begins to suspect that he is not, in fact, who he claims to be.

Unfortunately, in this case, what transpired to be a ballsy, real-life mystery ends up a boring, B-grade movie. Pity.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

London Boulevard

Colin Farrell can either be super convincing or downright corny in any given movie. This film falls squarely into the latter category. Add to this a pouty Keira Knightley, who Farrell falls in love with, and you’ve got a disaster on your hands.

Between being Keira’s bodyguard and lover, Colin is also on the run from some shady mobster who, unsurprisingly, is threatening to kill Colin’s loved ones. Could you dream up a more predictable or far-fetched script? Didn’t think so.

Rating: 1 outta 5.