Knight and Day

Crazed, manic, relentless romantic action comedy are just a few of the adjectives I’m going to use to describe this oddball film.

From the opening credits, mayhem and ridiculousness ensue, thanks to a rogue CIA agent slash psycho played by none other than Tom Cruise. That Cruise’s deranged character, Roy Miller, is a parody of his perceived public persona is obvious and makes the role more amusing than it would be played by someone else. Along for the ride is the unwilling June Havens (Cameron Diaz), who Miller drugs and endangers constantly and still manages to woo.

Like I said, it’s one ridiculous stretch after another, but somehow works. The non-stop CGI and over-the-top stunts means that it’s more action than romantic comedy, but it’s still cutesy enough for the girls to enjoy. This is your best bet for the weekend.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Goal III

This is one for the footie fans only, and even they might be disappointed. It features B-grade actors and relies on glimpses of big stars like Ronaldo and Becks to give it credibility. Basically it’s about ordinary football players who are given the ultimate opportunity: to play in the World Cup. But don’t expect too much field action – for some reason the producers thought that focusing on the personal lives of the “players” would enhance the film. They were wrong. There’s not much more I can add but this: It’s absolute rubbish!

Rating: 1 outta 5.

Hello Goodbye

Gisele and Alain are having a mid-life crisis. They’ve neglected their Jewish faith and traditions and as a result their son is marrying a catholic girl. In an attempt to reconnect – in more ways than one – the couple decide to leave their life in Paris and move to Israel. Yup, not buy new cars or splash out on a holiday home – move to Israel.

As one would expect, life in the Holy Land is not so easy. For one, Alain, in his ripe old middle age is expected to get circumcised to show his commitment to the faith, and his wife starts getting worryingly close to a young rabbi. Of course the unusual and trying experiences are what they were unconsciously seeking and give them a certain amount of perspective on their lives. Consider this movie like driving a Toyota Corolla: It’s a safe bet but not going to blow your hair back.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Khatta Meetha

Road construction contractor Sachin Tichkule (Akshay Kumar) feels like he’s doomed to eternal failure. Because he doesn’t have any money to bribe the right people, he’s struggling to make ends meet. To make matters worse, the new municipal commissioner is his ex-girlfriend whose only mission is to make his life miserable.

Instead of giving up, though, Sachin comes up with some pretty ingenious ways to trick the system. His shenanigans are pretty funny, and the other characters that pop up throughout make the film even more colourful. Not the best Bollywood film ever made but entertaining nevertheless.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Shrek Forever After

Like most men past their prime, Shrek has reached a mid-life crisis. He’s not as scary as he used to be, and things have become too domestic for his liking. Frankly he feels less of an ogre than he used to be. So when a shrewd Rumpelstiltskin offers him the chance to return to his former life for just a day, Shrek jumps at the chance. Clearly he hadn’t read enough fairytales otherwise he would have known that an offer like that is too good to be true.

In his new mid-life crisis reality, his love Princess Fiona doesn’t know who he is and really doesn’t find him that attractive, along with his best mate Donkey, who finds the presence of an ogre rather frightening. Add to this an overweight Puss in Boots and Shrek’s universe is completely disturbed, and he must do anything and everything to get it all back to normal. Hmm, methinks many women will relate to that storyline. As always, Shrek is not only for the kids but good fun for the grown ones too. Plus, this one is also available in 3D, making it a memorable conclusion to the franchise.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

It might not surprise you to hear that seven sequels to the original 1984 Nightmare on Elm Street have been created. Sadly this is no testament to the brilliance of Freddy Krueger and his dangerously long talons. Instead it shows that no matter how bad the script is, slasher movies sell. And here we go again.

For the ninth time, Freaky Freddy is in the house. He looks the same, sounds the same and still hasn’t managed to cut those nails. He’s still infiltrating teenagers’ dreams and killing them off like they were flies. All in all, nothing much has changed, which leads me to this conclusion: Why watch the latest version when you can still hire the original and enjoy the historical birth of arguably one of the most successful fright characters of all time? Then again, I’m a horror-movie purist.

Rating: 1 outta 5.

Themba

Themba is a young boy who dreams of playing soccer for Bafana Bafana, but his chances of success are slim. He is from the rural Eastern Cape, suffers abuse and has no one to parent him. He has his own personal Kilimanjaro to climb.

It’s the story of so many of our people but not necessarily one we want to face willingly or watch a movie about, which is why I’m not sure this film will be overly successful. If however you give it a chance and can endure some seriously heartbreaking scenes, you might just find yourself feeling uplifted. The film is well made and stars some of the freshest SA talent around. The incredibly talented songstress Simphiwe Dana makes a surprising debut, and her young co-star seems set to conquer the big screen in the future. I’m always for supporting local stories if simply to remind us that success can emerge from the most unexpected places.

Rating: 3.5 outta 5.