The Hurt Locker

Rolling Stone describes The Hurt Locker as an “Iraq War movie for those who don't like Iraq War movies.” And that pretty much sums it up. While commenting in a refreshingly non-patriotic way on the war, director Kathryn Bigelow also gives us a storyline that is as nail-biting and suspenseful as any big Hollywood thriller.

The camera follows a squad of bomb disposal experts braving instant death and unnatural stress levels in Baghdad. Clearly not your regular paper pusher position, the occupation comes with a boot-load of hazards, the least of which is mental anguish. The film won six Oscars this year and earned Bigelow the title of first female director to ever win a golden statue. Whether it deserved to win over Avatar is debatable, however its impact cannot be denied. See it.

Rating: 4 outta 5

How to Train Your Dragon

From the makers of Shrek comes another fanciful tale about a boy named Hiccup, who befriends a rather, er, fiery dragon. Having been raised in a Viking village of dragon hunters, this proves rather difficult, and Hiccup must set out on a quest to change the minds of his fellow villagers and friends and convince them that dragons are really quite cool.

You’ve got to love the off-the-wall sense of humour that the writers have maintained throughout the film, and the genius that inspired character names like Snotlout, Fishlegs and Phlegma the Fierce. Who could possibly resist? Take the whole family for a good laugh.

Rating: 3.5 outta 5

The Last Station

This rather quaint script – about the dying days of writer Leo Tolstoy and his decision to cede the rights of his novels to the Russian people – is made watchable and really quite remarkable through two fabulous performances.

First is the highly underrated Christopher Plummer, who plays Tolstoy and the loving husband to Helen Mirren. Never before have we seen Mirren so dramatic and feisty, fighting her husband’s every decision and cursing his admirers for wanting a piece of the writer. Mrs Tolstoy was certainly a force to be reckoned with, and who could blame her after being married to the same man for 48 years and fathering 13 kids!

It’s a beautiful look at a unique relationship and definitely worth watching if just for two Oscar-nominated shows of brilliance.

Rating: 4 outta 5

Armored

A new guy on a team of armoured guards is convinced to hijack one of their trucks carrying a cool $42 mil. But – you know the story – he’s a good guy at heart, he feels bad, he changes his mind and the plan midway… Blah, blah.

Look, I enjoyed the bad-ass cast that includes Matt Dillon (always a good bad guy), Lawrence Fishburne, Jean Reno and Skeet Ulrich, but essentially this is a guy movie, so will only keep you mildly interested if you’re of the fairer sex. It’s got violence, explosives and a lot of cash. What more could a guy ask for, right?

Rating: 3 outta 5

The Tournament

A gaggle of assassins meet in a small town to kill each other in what is known as The Tournament. Wow. Aren’t you just dying to see the blood splatter the wall of the mini-mart?

Well, if you are, good for you – go ahead and spend the money. For the rest of us who actually enjoy a good story, give it a skip. There’s nothing more to it than big guns and a televised live feed of the “festivities” to a bunch of gamblers who place their bets on which assassin will be the last man or woman standing and win the competition. What a twisted idea.

Rating: 0 outta 5.

The Blind Side

From start to finish, this movie is all about pulling on the heartstrings. And it doesn’t help that it’s based on a true story – about a Southern, white woman adopting a homeless black teen. Before you know it you’ll be drizzing into your popcorn, and you won’t be able to stop. It employs all the classic triggers: poor black kid with loads of potential but no support, love in the face of racism and prejudice, as well as the favourite – Overcoming All Odds.

There have been dozens of these movies made throughout the years. Some are too cheesy to even stomach, and others have been overacted and all too serious. The Blind Side seems to have found a good balance. With an Oscar winning performance from Sandra Bullock and a script that doesn’t indulge itself too much, the film is a success in my book. Just try not break down into the “ugly cry” and make the other moviegoers uncomfortable.

Rating: 4 outta 5

Spread

Nikki (Ashton Kutcher) is a womaniser. Plain and simple. He drifts from the chic apartment of one sugar mommy to the other, shagging whoever he can and generally doing little else. So, when he meets Samantha (Anne Heche), Nikki expects nothing out of the ordinary to happen. But it does.

While Sam is away on business and Nikki is housesitting, he falls in love. And in case you couldn’t guess, it’s with a woman who doesn’t actually fall over herself to get him into bed.
No doubt the concept is stale, but somehow Ashton Kutcher manages to make it watchable, nevertheless. Perhaps it’s because he’s got that whole cute-yet-cheeky thing going on. He sure isn’t hard on the eyes either, right ladies?

This is pure escapism in true Hollywood style. It’s not clever or thought provoking, and you’ll probably forget it in 48 hours, but it does entertain – and sometimes that’s all you really want.

Rating: 3.5 outta 5

Saw IV

In case you don’t read Roman numerals, VI translates to six, as in the sixth instalment of this gratuitously violent and gory franchise. If you’re into that kind of fun, all the blood and torture isn’t an issue. The problem is that the makers of Saw haven’t changed their formula at all in six years, so you know what’s going to happen. Aren’t people bored of the exact same storyline? Then again, if it ain’t broke…

Personally I was bored after Saw II, with the joker irritating the hell out of me, so the thought of even having to sit through yet another Saw flick drove me to drink… which I think was a much better decision. At least after a few cocktails I didn’t feel like I was living in a world threatened by psychopaths in silly masks.

Rating: 1 outta 5.

The Tooth Fairy

Does anyone really care about Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson dressing up in a ridiculous fairy outfit complete with wings and flitting around the big screen? No? Excellent, because there is literally nothing good I can say about this movie. Oh wait, there is one thing: It’ll keep the kids entertained while you go watch a different movie that is targeted to people over the age of five.

Rating: 0 outta 5.

Shutter Island

It seems that people either love or hate this movie. Personally, I enjoyed every moment. From the eerie mad house for the criminally insane to the washed-out colour palette, I thought director Martin Scorsese managed to create the perfect mood for a mystery thriller about a missing psych patient.

Thanks to a series of strange hallucinatory flashbacks, an almighty hurricane and a whole bunch of mad people running amok, you’ll be biting down on the edge of your popcorn box before you can say, “boo”. And that’s just the beginning of this horror-house ride.

One can over-intellectualise whether Scorsese’s venture into a new genre works. Frankly, if it gives me the edge-of-my-seat thrill I’m looking for it’s a success in my book. Go see it before you read too much of the debate.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

The Box

If you know who Richard Kelly is, you’re no doubt a fan of Donnie Darko, which, in my not-so humble opinion, is possibly one of the best films ever made. Sadly, Kelly’s last two films haven’t inspired the same admiration, so I was desperately hoping this one would restore my faith in his writing/directing skills. Wrong.

I get that he likes his convoluted plots and the idea that every action has a tangible consequence, but too many of these elements thrown into one movie can become ridiculously confusing. The premise, although used before, is interesting: A couple receives a box with a button on top of it, and if they push the button they get a million bucks. The catch is that a stranger will die. What would you do?

Well, there would be no movie if they didn’t push it, and so, as you can imagine, all hell breaks loose as karma bites back. If Kelly could just have found more of a balance between confusing and intriguing, like he did in Donnie Darko, this could have been a winner. Unfortunately, it just misses the mark.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Nine

Firstly, if you don’t like musicals, you’re not going to enjoy this latest film from the director of Chicago, so don’t go see it and then blame me for not telling you.

For the rest of you, it’s an orgy of music, passion and women, who are all under the spell of an Italian filmmaker played by Daniel Day-Lewis. Okay, so old Dan is as far from an Italian stallion as you can get, but he does his best, as do the rest of the non-Italian cast – Penélope Cruz, Fergie, Kate Hudson and Marion Cotillard. The music is fabulous, the scenery evocative and the surprise performance from Sophia Loren thrilling, but the best part by far is Cruz’s take on her sex-kitten character. All in all, it was an indulgent two hours out from the real world that I revelled in.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Remember Me

If you’re a Robert Pattinson fan, nothing I say is going to stop you from going to watch him wallow in his broodiness. It is what he does best, after all, and this romantic drama is no exception.

The movie’s not bad, it’s just so unremarkable. Troubled teen meets cute blonde, but circumstances and past tragedies mean they have big hurdles to overcome. Yeah, yeah… Show me a couple that doesn’t, these days. Aside from R-Patz and a moderately endearing performance from Emilie de Ravin (Claire from Lost), the star of the show is the backdrop – New York City – which plays a bigger role in the story line than you might think.

Other than that, sitting through this film without Red Bull and a couple toothpicks to keep your eyes open is pretty darn difficult.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Everybody's Fine

When his kids cancel on him at the last minute, widower Frank (Robert de Niro) decides to take the party to them. Thing is, like in most families, there’s years of baggage that is kept securely locked away thanks to bit of distance, so when Frank simply pitches up on the doorstep, each of his three kids are more than a little thrown.

It’s a predictable story of family and self-discovery we’ve seen time and time again. Expect nothing but a mildly heart-warming script and average performances and you won’t be disappointed. This one is for a DVD night at home.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Alice in Wonderland

There are lots of reasons you’ll watch this movie. Firstly there’s the star power of Johnny Depp – if you’re a fan, you’re no doubt a die-hard and will see anything he’s in no matter what the subject matter. Check.

Then there’s the fantastical quirkiness of Tim Burton, director of Corpse Bride, Sleepy Hollow and Sweeny Todd, to name a few. Burton’s a tricky one, though, as most people either love him or hate him. But, by putting his spin on a decades-old story, he’s bound to attract more admirers than usual.

Don’t get me wrong, though: it’s classic Burton barminess. Multi-coloured, psychedelic and bordering on the ridiculous, the film is often unrecognisable from the original story, but I say who cares. I say revel in the fancy of it all. It exists, after all, to entice and massage your senses without the use of hallucinogenic drugs. Bonus!

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Precious

If one had to list the atrocities that have besieged the life of Claireece "Precious" Jones, you might well ask why anyone would even make such a horribly depressing film, let alone watch it. Hope would be my answer.

Somewhere, in the mire that is the obese, loveless 16-year-old’s life, she’s offered a leg up in the form of two women. First is a teacher, played delicately by Paula Patton, and secondly is a social worker, played by a stripped-down and washed-out Mariah Carey. Even writing that I can hear you screaming “cliché”! Agreed, on paper the script sounds dangerously trite and stale. Wonderfully, however, it’s absolutely not.

While the adapted screenplay might flirt with the contrived, the shockingly real performances haul it back from the precipice. Apart from the outstanding Patton and Carey, Gabourey Sidibe, who leads as Precious, will stun you in this break-out debut. But the biggest props must go to comedian Mo’Nique in her role as Precious’ mother that is anything but funny. Her embodiment of all things abominable is quite frightening and enthralling at the same time. This is a movie that will turn you inside out, but one so worth taking the time to endure.

Rating: 5 outta 5.

Daybreakers

Far from the teen infatuation that is the Twilight series, this vampire flick takes us back to bloody basics. One, vampires are blood-sucking creatures of the devil. Two, they need humans to survive, which means a rather abrupt and painful death for the likes of you and me.

So in 2019 (sheesh, just round the corner), the vampire population find themselves running out of humans and our precious lifesource and, consequently, degenerating into snarling, drooling monsters. On the other side of the ring are the few remaining human-flavoured bits of prey, who are desperate to fight back, especially when they discover a way to turn vamps back into humans. War ensues, and I’ll leave the rest up to you to guess (no imagination required).

What is refreshing in this age of romanticised, vampire obsessions is the gross factor that made movies like Alien so popular. Winning performances it has not. Cool, B-grade effects, monsters and lighting? Sure. If that’s your thing, you’ll love it.

Rating: 3 outta 5.