The Artist

The movie revolves around an older silent film actor, played by Oscar-winner Jean Dujardin, who in the late 20's to early 30's wonders what the future holds for him as the silent cinema he is so accustomed to starts to fade away and is quickly replaced by the talking pictures.

The story takes place in Hollywood and focuses on the relationship between the dwindling artist and a rising young actress during this turbulent time.

This five-time Academy Award winner is surely a must-see.

Rating: 5 outta 5. Beautifully brilliant!

Contraband

In this action-packed thriller, Marky Mark is back (as Chris Farraday) and ready to protect his brother-in-law, Andy, from a mean drug lord (Briggs) played by Giovanni Ribisi who flips out after Andy tosses away Briggs' drug stash into the ocean after encountering the US Customs.

Being a former smuggler himself, Chris heads to Panama as the only way he can save Andy now is to score millions of dollars in counterfeit bills to pay off the drug lord who will kill Andy and Chris' wife and kids if he doesn't get his money and get it now!

This one is deffo for the action buffs.

Rating 3 outta 5.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island

The movie may be loosely based on the Jules Verne novel "Journey to the Centre of the Earth" but its based on it nontheless which makes it one to watch if you are an avid adventurer or someone who dreams of exploration.

From the word "go" this movie is packed with exciting twists in the tale and loads of action to keep you on the edge of your seats in awe at what's about to happen next.

The film stars Dwayne Johnson, Michael Caine, Josh Hutcherson, Vanessa Hudgens, Luis Guzmán, and Kristin Davis.

Rating 4 outta 5.

The Big Year

This comedy has got to be the feel-good movie we have all been waiting for...starring none other than Steve Martin, Jack Black and Owen Wilson who are notorious for making viewers laugh out loud.

The movie revolves around two bird enthusiasts who are out to defeat the cocky (pun intended) world record holder in a year-long bird spotting competition.

For funny scenarios and hilarious antics be sure you make your way to a movie house near you.

Rating 4 outta 5.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Sure, the spy game may look glamorous from the outside, but the reality must be dismal – just a bunch of people playing cat and mouse games. This movie, based on John Le Carre's 1974 novel, digs into the underworld of espionage during the Cold War. And what a messy place that was!

George Smiley (Gary Oldman) is brought back into the field after he was forced out of MI6 (the British Secret Intelligence Service). His mission is to find out the identity of the mole in a top position of the organisation.

Brilliantly shot in muted tones, but sometimes confusing with too many characters and too many details to keep track of, this is still a watchable thriller. The suspense is enough to give you sweaty palms and a racing pulse. 

Rating: 3 outta 5.

John Carter

Edgar Rice Burroughs, who wrote Tarzan, obviously had a vivid imagination. I mean, hello, a guy growing up in a jungle with an ape family? Burroughs lesser known works featuring John Carter now gets the Disney treatment and is sure to get better known. Is the movie as fantastical as the writing? I am glad to say yes.

Civil war veteran John Carter has an encounter and wakes up on Mars. There are green aliens on the planet too. Tsk tsk! Carter gets involved in a conflict. The epic fights, the Mars scenery, a princess and aliens will evoke that childlike wonder and sense of awe. And I am such a chump for classic fantasy like this.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Project X

Teenage antics and need for popularity in high school leaves me bored stiff – I would rather watch grass grow.

Thomas is celebrating his 17th birthday and he wants to throw an epic party to make him famous. Bonus: the parents are not at home! His invitation goes viral and the party becomes a mess of destruction, drinking, sex, drug usage and girls jumping into the swimming pool.

If you have kids, this will leave you scared as hell. If you are a teenager, this will leave you misguided. And if you are neither a teenager nor a parent, this will leave you immensely disgusted or totally charmed. I can only end with the infamous last word from teens: whaaateverrr!

Rating: 2 outta 5. 

Rampart

Rampart was shocking because I did not expect to enjoy it. I mean, what’s another corrupt cop movie, eh? Not so appealing in theory. But Woody Harrelson as Dave Brown is freaking explosive!

Brown is such a toxic character: he hates everyone, he beats people up, he has two wives and two daughters but you end up sympathising in some weird way. You want to know what happens to him. This cop in meltdown is a riveting spectacle to witness, one that grabs your attention and refuses to let go.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Oskar Schell is eleven years old and his loses his father in the September 11 attacks on the Twin Towers in New York. 9/11 has become a sensitive topic, and rather difficult to tackle in movies.

Oskar finds an envelope in his father’s closet, with the word ‘Black’ written on it and a key inside. What could this lead to? He decides it has to be a name, since it is written with a capital letter. Oskar finds every Black in the New York phonebook to see if he can uncover the mystery. 

While it is a seemingly charming premise, against a backdrop of a tragedy, I was left annoyed and frustrated. What is a mystery though is how this was nominated for best picture at the Academy Awards!

Rating: 2 outta 5.

The Devil Inside

I remember the good ol’ days when horror movies left so you so scared, you were afraid to go to the bathroom alone at night. How things have changed... The Devil Inside seems to merge The Exorcist with Paranormal Activity – found footage is coupled with an exorcism. It is nothing new, certainly not fresh and more of a comedy than a horror.

Maria Rossi (Suzan Crowley) kills three people in an exorcism and is sent to a mental institution in Rome. Years later, her now grown up daughter seeks a reunion and a final exorcism to free her mother.

Do not bother to waste your well earned money on a movie ticket for this. And if you do, you will want a full refund, trust.

Rating: 1 outta 5.

The Sitter

Urg, I am so sick and tired of these slap stick American comedies. The brilliant Jonah Hill takes on a role as a loser baby sitter to three horrendous children. (If you have never wanted children before, this will affirm your beliefs a thousand times over.)

The one night of babysitting ends up involving cocaine, car theft, party crashing and loads of trouble all over their little town. Really, now… Movie audiences need to band together and boycott crap like this, for the love of good films!

Rating: 0 outta 5.

War Horse

Schmaltzy without being cheesy – is this possible? Movie maker Steven Spielberg gets it right, so I reckon it is. Take his latest flick, War Horse – it is a perfect example.

Millions of horses from England were used during World War I, yet only around sixty thousand returned. This movie tells the story of Joey, one of those horses and the teenager, Albert, whom he belongs to. When war breaks out, his drunken father sells the beloved horse. Albert then enlists in the army.

This movie will thaw out any cold, cold heart. The closing scene is achingly beautiful and one that will imprint itself on your memory.

Rating: 3 outta 5.  

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Believe you me, I am all for super hero movies. But this adaptation of Marvel’s Johnny Blaze is such a dreadful disaster.  All I can say to movies like this is: no, no and no! But hey, if you’re feeling risque, hazard a watch - at your peril.

Rating: 1 outta 5.

This Means War

In this mash-up of action and rom-com, I am left confused and not very impressed. All you need to know is that two CIA agents played by Tom Hardy and Chris Pine have fallen for the same woman (Reese Witherspoon) and they use their spy skills to sabotage the other. The only good point is how attractive each lead is. Other than that, this is a snore-fest. Why are movies of this calibre made?

Rating: 1 outta 5.

Material

Wow, this is the second local flick in theatres this week. I cannot say much about the cringe worthy slap-stick humour in most South African comedies, and expected little from this one. Can I admit I was actually glad to be wrong this time around?

Material is a movie that will make you laugh, genuinely laugh, tear up and root for the lead character, Cassim Kaif (Riaad Moosa). Kaif struggles against family expectations (he is set to take over the family business in Fordsburg) but he discovers his passion in stand-up comedy. It is so rewarding to be able to invest emotionally in believable characters.

The term ‘proudly South African’ has become a cliché, but hey, sometimes platitudes work best because this left me soaring with pride, I tell ya!

Rating 4 outta 5.

My Week with Marilyn

Marilyn Monroe – her name is synonymous with sex symbol. So much so, that people will obviously watch this movie with preconceived notions of the starlet. Michelle Williams dives into this difficult role, and boy, does she deliver! I think she might walk away with the Best Actress Oscar. Everyone gets to see ordinary fragile girl who, like all of us, is looking for happiness.

That said, William’s performance is the movie’s only saving grace. Even though it is based on true events - a week that Monroe spent with a young man called Colin Clark who worked on the set of “The Prince and the Showgirl”, it is an anorexic representation.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Chronicle

What would you do if you had the power of telekinesis (the ability to move things with your mind)? Four high school friends gain this ability and boys being boys, wreak mischief - like scaring a child in a toy shop by making a teddy bear move towards her. Almost harmless, right? But one of them starts to use it with sinister intentions.

Captured in a home footage style (think Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity) this movie makes you forget you are watching a movie and feels more like real life. And being more real, it seems even more terrifying. Eek!

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Semi-soet

In the month focusing on romance (hello, Valentine’s Day cannot be a distant memory already) we have a local rom-com. It’s light, fluffy, moving, lots of sugar and spice too.

It is also predictable, but that by no means makes it a no-go. Girl hires a model to pretend to be her fiancé for a business deal that needs to be signed, unbeknownst to her that the model is also her professional nemesis. Somehow, they manage to find their happily ever after.  

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Hugo

The name Martin Scorsese is associated with movies about crime. But here he takes a pleasant detour with a family adventure that is so magical and wondrous, you may want to see it more than once, no matter your age!

Hugo is an orphaned boy, living in a train station in Paris during the 1930s. His late father left behind an automaton (an automated man he found in a museum). Hugo steals to stay afloat, which brings him into conflict with the station’s toy shop owner, Georges Méliès (Ben Kingsley). Somehow, Hugo must get the automaton running to discover his father’s secret message.

3D is utilised here to enhance the story, rather than it being used as a tool to make more money out of a movie. I hope this flick walks away with a few Oscars because, by George, it is deserved!

Rating: 5 outta 5.

The Iron Lady

Ohmygoodness, Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher is utterly mesmerising. Then again, can we expect anything less from the Streep?

As the UK’s first female Prime Minister from 1979 to 1990, Thatcher left the country deeply divided and quite frankly, you ended up either hating her or loving her. While Streep’s performance is beyond excellent, this biopic missed a great opportunity to form an opinion on a character that demands it.

Rating: 3outta 5.

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace 3D

How did Darth Vader become one of the most feared beings in the universe? As a Jedi, how did he end up embracing such a darkness? Find out here with Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace coming out in 3D!

Fans of this movie series, and there are many out there, will enjoy this trip into space again. And we betcha this version will garner an entire new fan base thanks to the 3D makeover. The Force is still strong, all these years later!

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Safe House

Call me a sentimental fool, but I still get a sense of glee seeing images of South Africa on the big screen. Here the back drop of Cape Town acts as another, ever present character.
   
Denzel Washington (swoon) and Ryan Reynolds (swoon, again) team up in this ‘skop, skit and donner’ movie. Tobin Frost (Washington) is believed to be a rogue agent, and when hell breaks loose he and a rookie agent (Reynolds) need to figure out what is happening. This is like the Bourne movies, but with lekker scenery that also makes my heart swoon.

Rating: 3 outta 5.

The Descendants

If you want a movie where you can really connect with the characters and care about their decisions, this is it! No wonder it is such a strong Oscar contender.

George Clooney gives a stellar performance as Matt King – who becomes the sole parent of his two daughters after his estranged wife is in a boating accident and falls in a coma. What’s more, he has to decide if he should pull the plug or not. And he finds out from his daughter that his wife was cheating on him. Blimey, how much worse can things get?

Though it sounds like a plot out of an episode of the Bold and the Beautiful, it is far from a soapie. In fact, it is so good; I am finding it hard to find a fault.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Jack and Jill

Adam Sandler teams up with…himself. He plays both Jack and Jill, twins who see each other over the holiday. So if you like Sandler and want to see him in women’s clothes, lipstick and a wig, sporting a high pitched voiced, this is just for you.

And just why did the likes of Al Pacino do this movie? Now there is a question to keep you up at night!

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Man on a Ledge

Nick Cassidy (Sam Worthington) gets onto one of the highest buildings in New York and threatens to jump. Crowds gather and traffic stops. He insists he is innocent of the crimes he has been in prison for and wants to make things right – and the ledge is his answer. The cops try to negotiate with him to get him to safety.

Across town, two diamond thieves are trying to pull of one of their biggest jobs. There is also David Englander, a money magnet of who is also somehow involved.

Is this all a ploy so the crime can be pulled off? Will Nick actually jump? Will the thieves be successful? Will the David get his skyscraper? There are far too many sub-plots in this movie.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Trespass

Here we have two acclaimed Hollywood stars: Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman who play a rich couple living in an isolated area. One night, four men dressed as policemen force their way into their home – a scenario that hits a bit too close for many South Africans unfortunately.

For the life of me, I wonder if Cage and Kidman actually read the script.  Plus Cage should be fined for wearing his hair that way, not to mention those glasses. This movie is a fail of epic proportions.

Rating: 1 outta 5.

J. Edgar

A bit of a history lesson for those who may not know: J. Edgar Hoover was the head of the Bureau of Investigation (now the Federal Bureau of Investigation – FBI) from 1924 to 1972. That makes him one of the most powerful men America has ever seen. He was both admired and feared. Oh, did we mention the rumours that he dressed in women’s clothes in secret? 

Clint Eastwood and Leonardo DiCaprio team up to tell his story, and what a salacious story it is! Hoover lived with his mother till her death and had a close relationship with Clyde Tolson, the bachelor who inherited his estate. Hoover also mingled and kept secret files on the country’s most powerful people, including presidents and Hollywood stars.

If only all history lessons were this enthralling, maybe people would stay awake in those classes, eh?

Rating: 4 outta 5.

The Muppets

It’s been 12 years since Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy and the rest of the Muppet crew hit the screens but they’re back with a very nice bang! When I realised that “Flight of the Conchords” star Bret Mckenzie did the movie’s songs and Conchords director, James Bobin, directed this movie, I knew I would be laughing till popcorn flew out of my mouth!  Gross, but hey, these things happen.

The story revolves around Muppet fan, Gary (James Segel), his girlfriend, Mary (Amy Adams), and his brother Walt (who looks Gary in Muppet form). They head off on a journey from Smalltown USA to Hollywood to find out what became of the famous felt crew. They get caught up on a mission to stop an oil baron (Chris Cooper) from destroying the Muppet studios. Therein lies the birth of the Muppet reunion.

I reckon this take will make Muppet creator Jim Henson proud, like a mother who sees her child off to Grade one. Aw…

Rating: 5 outta 5.

The Darkest Hour

Somehow, most movies involving aliens portray them as foreboding creatures who want to destroy the earth and end human life. It happens so often that it does not even scare me any longer.

The only saving grace for this movie is the special effects. These aliens feed off electricity and they manage to turn any life form into ashes within seconds. Jaw, meet floor.

Emile Hirsch, brilliant in the movie “Into The Wild”, plays a young American businessman trying to strike a deal in the exotic location of Moscow. And Moscow does look oh-so-divine! He and his business partner meet two party girls in a club. But aliens, resembling glowing jelly fish, descend from the sky. Great actor that he is, even Hirsch cannot save this dismal script, bad editing and dodgy direction.

And anyway, whatever happened to friendly aliens, huh?

Rating: 2 outta 5.

Seeking Justice

Personally, action movies leave me walking out of the theater feeling cheated and very sleepy.  But I know that many out there will actually enjoy this movie because all you have to do is switch off, and immerse yourself in the entertainment value.

Nicolas Cage plays a school teacher, Will Gerard, whose wife is raped. At the hospital, a mysterious man offers him justice, as long has he can pay back the favour in the future. Against his better judgement, Gerard agrees. He begins his spiral down a vigilante group that seems to have infiltrated every aspect of the city he lives in.

Wake me up for the next movie, please. Zzz…

Rating: 1 outta 5.

Courageous

The scenario: Cops by day, fathers by night!

Tragedy strikes and these dads are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, and their faith. But with any struggle comes resilience. Add in a good measure of action, drama, and humour and we have a flick that promises to "turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers".

This movie will leave you wanting to give your dad a huge hug. Go on…

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Underworld: Awakening

There are a few starlets who can pull off hard-core action roles, yet retain their femininity. Kate Beckinsale as Selene in the Underworld movie series is one of those starlets. And man oh man - she is back and raring to go!

This time, the fearless vampire warrior escapes prison, only to find herself endangered from humans. You see, they have found out about the existence of vampires and Lycans and are hell bent on destroying both species. Eek!

Be sure to give this one a watch.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

The Skin I Live In

Do you know that feeling, when you squirm in your seat and you’re not sure if you want to carry on watching a movie or not? Ready yourself for that with this flick! 

Antonio Banderas plays the widowed Dr. Robert Ledgard, a modern day mad scientist that makes Dr. Frankenstein look like Marry Poppins. Ledgard holds Vera captive and experiments on her – he wants to create a being with fireproof skin.  There is also Ledgard’s housekeeper, a man who dresses as a tiger seeking sanctuary in Ledgard’s lair (because all mad scientists have lairs) and another prisoner in the basement.

This is a disturbing but sexy horror that will become a creepy favourite for Halloween, if you can watch it till the end that is! 

Rating: 3 outta 5.

Machine Gun Preacher

A thug who loves drink and drugs changes his life 180 degrees to become a born-again Christian. He leaves his comfortable home in the USA and goes to Uganda and Sudan to do charity work. Sounds like a plot for a movie, eh? Oh wait – it is a movie, but one that is based on a true story.

Gerard Butler plays Sam Childers, who decides to build an orphanage in Sudan in the face of the terrible war and suffering he witnesses. But he clashes with rebel forces that turn boys into soldiers and girls into sex slaves. He takes up arms against them and gets the name of ‘machine gun preacher’.

While it is always good to see Butler on screen again, this movie is one that will fade through the memory banks.

Rating: 2 outta 5.

We Bought a Zoo

A dad decides that the best fresh start for him and his family is not to relocate to a new suburb but to move into a zoo. Yes, you read right, a zoo! With the help of an eclectic staff, the family work together to return the dilapidated establishment to its former splendor.

While this movie holds no surprises, it is a pleasant story that will leave you with a satisfied smile on your face and your faith in human kind restored!

Rating: 3 outta 5

Margin Call

Everyone is still living with the harsh legacy of the 2008 financial crisis. Wouldn’t you love to see how it all started?

This flick has a strong cast: Kevin Spacey as Sam, Zachary Quinto as Peter, Jeremy Irons as John and Demi Moore as Sarah. Together, they tell the strong, grim story of the 24 hours before hell broke loose. 

Eric is fired, and he hands over information to Peter.  An all-night emergency meeting is called, with CEO John. What ensues is a thrilling fight for survival, as individuals and for the company. If you already hated corporate greed before, this will make you loath it now.

Rating: 4 outta 5.

31 Million Reasons

Even though I have not seen this movie yet, it looks absolutely enthralling because it is always easy to identify with South African stories.

Isidingo’s Jack Devnarain plays Ronnie, a corrupt cop who wants to go clean. He takes part in one last cash-in-transit heist, and guess what? It is based on a true story. “The actual events upon which the movie is based took place in 1997 – they formed the inspiration for the movie, ” Devnarain said in an interview with a local newspaper.

Having been a cop for a few years, Devnarain performs his stunts himself. And that coupled with a high stakes crime is bound to leave you with goose bumps. 

Rating: 4 outta 5.

A Little Bit of Heaven

If you want to see Whoopi Goldberg act as the voice of God in a heaven filled with fluffy clouds glistened with the colours of the sun set, here you have it. Other than that, this movie is so predictable you don’t need be a psychic to know what’s going to happen next.

So, Kate Hudson takes on another rom-com – what a surprise! Here she plays Marley, a sassy, independent career woman (another surprise!). This time around she is diagnosed with cancer. But luckily for her, her doctor is the extremely smouldering Gael García Bernal and, oh surprise, he falls for her. 

Rating: 1 outta 5.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Lisbeth Salander has got to be one of the most riveting, intriguing, fierce and complex heroines I’ve seen in a while. And you know what? I root for Team Lisbeth! She is an integral part of this who-dunnit, taken from the book of the same name and the 2009 Swedish movie adaptation.

A rich businessman requires the services of journalist Mikael Blomkvist to solve the 40 year old murder of his niece. Blomkvist and Salander are thrown into a damaged family of incestuous creeps, liars, killers and Nazis. 

The excellent cinematography is juxtaposed between a bleak wintry Sweden, and the warm hued past.

Now this is how a murder mystery flick is done…and sjoe, to think it is a remake!  

Rating: 3 outta 5.

A Dolphin Tale

Do you want a movie that leaves you with a case of the warm fuzzies? This is it! Inspired by the incredible true story of Winter, the dolphin who was rescued off the Florida coast after her tail was caught in a crab trap. 

Watch her fight to survive. See the immense compassion from the folks who band together to help her. Unless you want to be covered in ‘snot and trane’, be sure to take tissues with you - and don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Rating: 4 outta 5.

Footloose

When this movie was made way back in the 1980s, it launched the careers of a few stars, now respected A-listers like Kevin Bacon and Sarah Jessica Parker. I wonder if it will do the same for this cast.

The movie is about a city kid, Ren, who moves to a small town. There he finds that his two passions - dancing and music - have been banned because five kids recently died returning from a dance. Upholding the ban is Reverend Shaw Moore .

It is quite inevitable what happens next: Ren challenges the ban, fights for dance, encounters a dance-off and falls for Moore’s daughter Ariel. It is as clichéd chocolates for Valentine’s Day, but harmless fun too. 


Rating: 4 outta 5.

The Thing

Sigh, this is the third remake out of Movie Land this week – the other two being Footloose and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. In fact, this is the third remake of The Thing: the first one came out in 1951, inspired by the writings of John W. Campbell Jr. then another in 1982. Sometimes original ideas should be left at just that.

So the premise of this story is that a group of researchers find an alien life form preserved in ice in Antarctica. Turns out it can take on anyone’s appearance which makes everyone super paranoid.  The alien goes on a killing frenzy and all we really see is a mesh of claws, teeth, goo and gore.

Rating: 1 outta 5.