Dear John

Look, I’m a sucker for a good love story but I hate sappy sentimentalism. Enter Dear John. I honestly don’t know how many more clichés one could have included in this film.

Firstly there’s a soldier (luckily played by the easy-to-look-at Channing Tatum). Secondly there’s the happy-go-lucky college student Savannah (Amanda Seyfried). Then there’s the stomach churning love that overwhelms them like a bad rash. But guess what happens? He goes back to war! So what we’re left with is a lot of pining and mucky US patriotism. I could vomit just thinking about it.

But my best part of the movie? How about the inevitable “Dear John” letter that Savannah must write, and the fact that writers actually named Tatum’s character John? Or, no, what about John’s failure to realise that his father is actually mildly autistic? It’s just one bad cheese ball after another. Anyone for some crackers?

Rating: 1 outta 5.